Well, it got ours, too.
This one is a personal one, so you can stop reading if you don't like girl-talk.
We got out BFP (Big Fat Positive) last week and were OOOOooo so excited. We weren't stressed about it. We were pumped. Told our parents this past weekend. We have it in our heads that we want a 2-3 year gap between kiddos so they'll be close. Due January 17, my mom's birthday. 23 Months apart. Perfect.
I made my doctor's appointments and signed up for blood work.
Then, Tuesday night, the bleeding started. Long story short, we called the doctor. They wanted to do blood work and check the HCG levels. (10 sticks - even with the butterfly, 3 LPNs and 2 Lab Techs later for one itty bitty vial of blood out of the back of my wrist. I'm black and blue. I was thanking my Granny again for her tiny, rolling, deep veins.)
Later, we got the dreaded phone call. "Your HCG levels are low." (Heard that before. Like a 47 at 6 weeks way too low. I knew exactly what this meant.) "You need to come in tomorrow."
All I can say about this time... I thank GOD that this has been a faster process than last time. And that evidently getting pregnant wasn't as hard this time. It's just staying pregnant that is the trouble. And I am SO thankful that my body naturally miscarried (at least we're 90% sure) so that we don't have to go through the horrible waiting and DNC process. That stinks.
The God-given peace from it is SO extremely comforting this time. I don't have false hope. And I am so thankful for the peace. I know it's better for me physically and emotionally. The first miscarriage was confusing, long, and scary. This one - not so much. I had another close friend go through one recently. And then, there's my bestie Kimberly's story. Makes my little bitty suffering so much simpler. And thinking about her pain makes mine hurt so much less. I truly don't know that kind of hurt and pain.
Anyway, happy Memorial Day weekend to you and yours. Most people don't like talking about these type things. And I get it. It's personal. So very personal. But for whatever reason, it makes it easier for me to put it all out there.
Maybe then we won't get the "so when are you having another?" questions, which I DREAD. If you aren't in my innermost circle, you don't get to ask that question. I hated it before Arleigh, too. I always want so bad to say (for 6 years before AO) "When God wants a baby to stick and grow in my uterus, you numb-skull." (Not the most Christian like response, I realize.) So if you have friends going through this, for goodness sake be delicate on how you approach this situation.
I'm headed to go cuddle my precious (and ohhh so sweet) Arleigh right now. It's like she's extra cuddly just for me. :-) My heart is definitely fully with her. But there also seems to be a piece of our family that is missing. It's hard to explain. We're just still torn on how the other piece of the family will fit. If you know us, you know I am oh-so-pro adoption. We have very precious members of our family and church who have adopted domestically and internationally. But John - he wants for it to be his biologically. In my heart I know God will change his heart if it needs changing. I'm not going to stress about it. That's all in God's plan. Just gotta trust it.
Later Gators. I'll leave you with this. Another Jesus Calling. Don't you just love it? There is something so comforting about Jesus talking directly with you. And I love this one. It's especially true right now. This one hits home. It's so hard to have this kind of trust and faith, isn't it? Trying to tell the human brain to not worry? But He loves us THAT much.
I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything.
It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do. I am the Lord!
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
—Romans 8:31–32
But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.
—Micah 7:7
